Communication helps build healthy relationships, whether it's within our family, at work, or in our social circles.
However, expressing ourselves in a clear and constructive manner can sometimes be challenging.
That's where 'I Messages' come into play. In this blog post, we'll explore the art of using I Messages to get your point across effectively, fostering understanding and minimising conflicts in various situations.
I Message @ Home
Here is an example of an I message for when your teen has come home late and has not been in touch:
I feel concerned when you don't tell me what's happening.
Because I'm left wondering and worrying if you are okay.
Next time Please let me know before you go out where you are and what time I should expect you home.
If using an I message, you might be in a better place to find out from your teen what is going on. It stresses the importance of the 'you' in the relationship, the importance of communication, and keeps the heat out of the moment.
I get that in this example and depending on the circumstances surrounding their lack of communication, some sort of consequence will probably be put in place.
Note: A consequence works best when it is something closely connected to the action. For instance, next time they go out, they will need to be home an hour earlier than normal. Keeping it related to the action increases learning for our kids and because the consequence is understandable, cuts back on the resentment if kept fair and reasonable.
I message @ work
Let's look at an example for a work setting. The situation, it's becoming difficult to get a clear answer from a colleague, their lack of communication is creating a slowness in responding to your team manager.
I feel worried when my email doesn't get answered.
Because it's important to me that I get my weekly report to our team lead by end of day Thursday. That way if there's any questions I can answer them on Friday.
Next time it would be great if you could reply to my email by Thursday morning. If I don't hear, I'll send a reminder. Thanks
These are a couple of examples where you can put in your own words and situations into the 'I Message Recipe.'
I messages give us a frame work to put forward our concerns calmly, while also adding our expectations for what happens next time. Rather than the blame and shame that can easily occur, it keeps the spotlight on your own views and concerns. This helps keep communication open, build into relationship and maintain our own boundaries.
We can use I Messages when trying to get our message across with our partner, kids, colleagues, friends, anyone where the relationship is ongoing and important to maintain.
We might not always get the I Message right, but its our intention in our communication efforts that will come across to the other person. See here for a short video I made on I Messages. Enjoy x
Want more communication tips - check out my free eBook here
Michelle is a mum of four, step mum of two and a nan to five. She's a Family Mediator, Artist, Writer and lives in Aotearoa New Zealand
Find out more: www.michellepeat.co.nz