Do you imagine being able to keep your sh*t when it all turns pear-shaped?
You can improve your communication skills - Handling The Crazy is totally within your reach. Read on to get some tips.
Michelle Peat - Mediator. Writer. Artist.
Tip one: We do not need to match the crazy.
Tip two: We can only manage our own thoughts, feelings, and responses.
Tip three: Learn how conflict works.
Tip four: Build your communication skills.
Tip five: Practice noticing the positive.
You don't need to match the crazy: Pause, breathe, pause, breathe - walk away if necessary. There will be another time to address this, trying to get your point of view across while the crazy is happening, is probably not going to leave you or the other person feeling that great.
Manage your thoughts, feelings, and responses: This is the only thing we have power over when in the moment. Our aim is to move out of the fight or flight and move into managing the conversation respectfully and ultimately findiing solutions around the issue causing the crazy.
Pause, breathe, pause, breathe. You got this.
How conflict works: In general it works like this, we see the issue from our own point of view and have our view of how the situation should be resolved. And, the other person sees the issue from their own point of view and has a different view of how the situation should be resolved. Then when the conversation starts both/all people have difficulty hearing each other and frustrated by not knowing how to even start to explore the difference.
Understand differences will occur, and this is okay.
Power, control, and manipulation are not okay.
Build your communication skills: Empathy is a great step to being able to hear others' views. We can practice empathy by putting ourselves in their shoes. And being interested to hear the other view. Try some reflective listening - 'So you're saying that ...' or 'Oh, so you thought ...' put these forward as questions rather than statements. We are trying to move away from saying how it is, and towards having a genuine conversation.
Remeber your point of view is only one point of view.
Noticing the positive: At other times notice the positive, for instance: doing the dishes, walking the dog, being gentle, or speaking to someone in the family kindly. Speak it out to them, letting them know you are noticing the positive and not only the negative.
The more we practice respectful communication the more natural it becomes. It takes time and practice, but we can operate in that zone - even while in the crazy.
Get more tips from my complimentary download: https://www.michellepeat.co.nz/conflictmanagement
Check out an art journal I created for young people to help manage the sh*t: