"As far as hard jobs go, it's up there with air-traffic controller and crane operator.." – O Magazine
Quote From the May 2003 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Read on for 21 Tips for Stress-Less Step-Parenting
Let’s face it, being a step parent can be hard. I have 4 kids, my husband has 2. Together we have 5 girls and 1 boy. That’s a lot of girl power!
Tony you deserve one friggin BIG gold star babe!
One of the difficulties is family rhythms have been established before you get together. As the step parent we are going to be the ‘different’ one.
Difference can cause a disruption to ease and routine. Be mindful that we as adults have chosen this, our kids are usually just along for the ride ya' know what I’m saying.
Following are a list of tips to support you as you navigate your role as step-parent:
Tip #1 - Chill and go slow
– This is a marathon people.
Tip #2 - Mutual respect is vital
– Double standards totally suck for kids. They will resent you for them.
Tip #3 - Respect their feelings
– They might not like you very much at first, handle it.
Tip #4 - Don’t bulls**t
– Kid crapomitors are generally on point.
Tip #5 - Trust takes time
- There is no magic wand.
Tip #6 - Our kids are just kids
– We need to regulate our own responses and demonstrate how to handle the difficult.
Tip #7 - Be yourself
– It’s okay to be you, relax.
Tip #8 - Apologies are a great way to start over
– If you don’t know how, learn how.
Tip #9 - Let your partner parent
– Leave the tough stuff with the birth parent.
Tip #10 - Do not discipline your partner’s children
– You will not be thanked.
Tip #11 - Avoid putting your partner in the middle
– You will not be thanked.
Tip #12 - Don’t dis the kids
– You will not be thanked.
Tip #13 - Be truthful with your partner
– Let them know if you’re struggling, come up with some ideas together. They want this to work too.
Tip #14 - Chill and go slow
– Building relationships take time, no need to rush this.
Tip #15 - Common interests
– Find out what they enjoy, do that.
Tip #16 - Build your funny bone
- Try not to take yourself too seriously.
Tip #17 - Flex
– Yup, life as you knew it has changed, breathe, you got this.
Tip #18 - Give space
– Allow your partner and their kids to have time on their own.
Tip #19 - Spend own time with your children
– They’ll be needing that time with you.
Tip #20 - Patience
– Relationships take time. Re-read to points 1 & 14.
Tip #21 - Keep your own interests going
– You need ‘you time’ too!
Take one or two tips and start to use them mindfully with your family. And remember
every stepfamily is unique, it takes time to find balance and create new rhythms. Learn what’s important to your new family and how you can support that.
While the wonderful craziness of family life unfolds, be kind to yourself and your partner.
One thing we heard when blending our families, was to take the age of the children when you move in together, and know it takes that same amount of years before you as a step parent should be disciplining the child.
For instance, if they were 15, wait 15 years, they were 9, wait 9 years … That gives some breathing space ay!
It’s an awesome privilege to be trusted and invited into your partners life and family. Respect the trust by giving them space to keep being them. Find find ways to work together to create some new ways of being together as a blending family. (Blending as it’s an ongoing process.)It was big to decide to blend our families, but it’s had so many benefits.
Big ups to you for moving into this step parenting space. It takes courage, love, and a lot of understanding to keep our relationships on track. With respectful navigation, upskilling communication skills, and some deep breaths we can be blessed and be a blessing to our new family.
Arohanui Michelle x
For more communication tips, get my Free Communication eBook here: https://www.michellepeat.co.nz/conflictmanagement
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